My outline
There was a boy, named Jack........ Once by mistake he applied the hair removal cream instead of face cream........ and when he watchs his face in mirror he was shocked..........he find that he has lost his moustache.......... He was worried about that how will he attend the wedding next day............ He was thinking about not to go in the wedding party.......... Suddenly his came came to him and he share his problem with him.......... his friend Rekesh give him advise to use artificial moustache........... Jack goes to market and purchase moustaches......... He was in hurry so he forgot to buy gum......... At his house he find feviquick and he use it. He was happy............... After returning from the wedding party he tries to remove his moustache.......... He find that it was not removeing.......... Now he was more worried........... After using some homemate formulas he get rid of...........
Thank you
Well, Soniya you've managed the time properly and also used appropriate word limit, but still you have to focus on your sentence structure as well as not to use this much dots.... In your story, this doesn't makes/creates interest for a reader to read more. I hope you'll definitely improve. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI'm Mayank Sharma.
ReplyDeleteYou have written it very fantastic, you have given me so many nice ideas. One suggestion for:- You should use some less no. Of words, like make your lines in less word. And you can use some fantastic words.
I do agree with Neeraj and Mayank's feedback. Additionally, try to add some thriller in that.
ReplyDelete